Touhou Sensei Negima
by Irrational Philosopher
Summary: It's the same old story. A ten-year old Negi is sent to Japan to teach an all girls class. Except it's Gensokyo Academy, not Mahora, and its students are completely different, yet somewhat familiar...
1. Chapter 1

_AN: Touhou belongs to ZUN, whilst Negima belongs to Akamatsu. Anything else belongs to my twisted imagination, but no one'll want that._

* * *

><p>Being late provided the human mind with a mixture of shame, anger and panic. This combination of negative feelings would only be worsened by being next to one who didn't seem bothered at all, despite being in the same situation. The girl, running as fast as her legs would allow, wished that her roller-skating companion would show some concern for their predicament. Or shut up, at the very least.<p>

"For the last time, I will not bark like a dog!"

"But how do you expect to win the man of your dreams if you can't give one little 'woof'?"

"Shutup."

"'Bark?'"

"Shutup."

"'Wan-wa-'"

"Shut! Up! Why are you giving me, of all people, love fortunes?"

"Um…" A small voice came from the other side of the girl.

Despite requiring more energy, there were advantages that running had over roller-blading. That's why when the girl stopped, her companion kept going.

Ignoring the subsequent "AHH!" and **crash,** the girl looked down at the new arrival. He looked very young, no older than ten, and he looked up her with a hopeful expression.

"Yes?"

"Well, you were talking about love horoscopes, and I thought I could give one. Er, is your friend alright?" He motioned towards the rollerblader, who was picking herself off the ground.

"Oh, her?" The girl looked at her companion. "She'll be fine. Anyway, I'm really the last person that needs fortunes of any kind. After all, I am-"

"Heeeeyyy…" The rollerblader returned to the conversation. "Did you get lost? This is the middle school, not elementary."

"You know, you are one of the last persons who should say that," the girl sighed, "You don't look much older yourself." She turned back to the boy. You just look young for your age, right?"

"Well," said the boy, "I am only ten-"

"Hah!" the rollerblader crowed in triumph, "You see?"

"Prodigy," the girl said without missing a beat, "He's one of those really smart kids that skip a couple of grades."

The boy smiled uneasily. "Well, you could call me that."

The rollerblader gave him a huge smile and slap on the back, knocking the wind out of him, "Welcome to Gensokyo Academy, Prodigy-kun! School of fantasy and illusion, so I've been told!"

"Pr- Prodigy-kun?"

"Come on," the girl said, "Let's get prodigy-kun to class. We're already late as it is."

"But my name is-"

"If we get into trouble, we'll just say we were guiding prodigy-kun to his classes, like the good sempais we are." She looked up the stairs. "Isn't that right, sensei?"

The girl bowed quickly at the teacher, "Good morning, Takamichi-sensei."

The boy simply waved. "Hey, Takamichi! Haven't seen you in a while!"

Takamichi smiled at the group. "Good morning to you all, Hakurei-san, Ibuki-san, Negi. Or should I say Negi-sensei?"

* * *

><p>It was far too early for this, Reimu thought as she stood in front of the principal. Suika and Negi were there too, standing stock still. The principal was well known and commanded great respect. Still, Reimu had to say her piece.<p>

"I know that 2-A is known as a 'class of lolis', but I don't think getting a shota to teach us will help matters."

The principal smirked in response. "Well, he will undergo a probationary period, of course, being so young. From now until… the exams in March, then we'll see if you're up for the task, Negi-kun."

Negi nodded, full of determination.

"You know that we'll be forced to send you home if you are unable to carry it out." The principal's smirk morphed into a genuine smile, "But I'm sure you will."

Negi nodded again, feeling a bit more relieved.

The principal thought for a moment, turned to Reimu, and said, "By the way, Hakurei-san, we do not have any arrangements for Negi-sensei's accommodation, so will it be alright if he would stay at the Hakurei Shrine until we get it sorted out?"

_Hakurei-san has a shrine?_ thought Negi as he turned towards the girl. Reimu, for her part, seemed unfazed.

"Alright," she said, "My conditions will just be the same as the other freeloader." She motioned to Suika.

"Wait, what?" Suika exclaimed in alarm, "No, that's inhumane! That's cruel! This is a bad idea!"

Negi started to panic. _What conditions are these? How horrible must they be for Ibuki-san to react like that? _

Reimu frowned at her. "You seem to deal with it fine."

"He's only ten!"

"So? I thought you would be happy with an extra pair of hands to help with chores around the shrine!" Reimu turned to Negi. "The shrine takes a lot of effort to maintain, so if you are going to stay, you will have to pull your own weight." She held out her hand. "Deal?"

"Noooo! Don't do it, prodigy-kun! She's a slave driver! She'll work you to death, like she did with me!" Suika cried in vain.

Negi, despite Suika's protests, shook Reimu's hand. "I'd be glad to."

"Good, so we're all happy, then!" the principal exclaimed, "I think it's time for you three to go to class."

* * *

><p>After the three children had left, the principal looked closely at her papers as her assistant appeared from the shadows. Then, she spoke.<p>

"Looks like a very interesting, scenario, Ran."

"Yes, master."

"Do you think he'll be successful?"

"Well, he does look like an intelligent child, but a teacher requires both maturity and life experience."

"**I've** never needed maturity."

"Yes, master. That's why you're the principal."

* * *

><p><em>AN: Will continue this if people interested.<em>


	2. Chapter 2

_AN: Well, whatever I was expecting, it wasn't this. Better get writing._

_Touhou is owned by ZUN, Negima by Akamatsu. Everything else has been stolen by Marisa and is currently being retrieved. Please wait warmly._

* * *

><p>Reimu wondered if her subconscious was some sort of genius mastermind. If it was, she wished that it could share some of its master plans, and not leave her completely in the dark.<p>

For instance, letting Prodigy-sensei in the classroom first seemed such an inconsequential action. But in fact, such an action would all be part an intricate and detailed plan with multiple levels. Three layers, in fact.

Layer the first: someone, probably with a name beginning with Te and ending with Wi, had set up an intricate system dedicated to giving a horrible experience to anyone who opened the classroom door, consisting of:

An eraser positioned on the door to fall on an unsuspecting head.

A tripwire that, when triggered, empties a bucket of water onto aforementioned unsuspecting head.

Suction cup arrows fired from around the room to hit an unsuspecting adult's body. Or, in the case of a ten-year old prodigy, an unsuspecting head.

Layer the second: even the small, evil prankster had standards and the look of shock and guilt on her face when she observed the consequence of her efforts, a boy lying on the ground sobbing pitifully, it looked like she wouldn't be trying something like this anytime soon, securing the peace of 2-A from her antics for at least a day or two. Reisen, Tewi's favourite chew toy, will probably be screwed anyway.

Layer the third: Just before the eraser hit its target, it decided to ignore the laws of gravity for the briefest of moments, hovering just above Negi's head, before remembering physics and finishing its journey.

In fact, her subconscious was so secretive, Reimu only realised the first two layers.

* * *

><p>"G-good morning everyone! My name is Negi Springfield, and I'll be teaching ma- English as your homeroom teacher! Please, let's all do… our… best…?"<p>

Negi's speech faded away under the intense stares of the class. Though, he had surveyed the class roster just minutes before, it was completely different seeing the class simply stare at him. A long awkward silence followed. You could almost _hear_ the staring.

"He's cute."

That was the cue for the mass glomping by half the class. Chaos reigned the classroom with frantic questions about Negi's heritage, age and favourite colour, until-

"Please! Let the teacher have his space!"

All the girls turned towards the source of the voice, and one by one they returned to their seats. But of course, there was always one who didn't listen.

Negi recognised her as Aya Shameimaru, remembering Takamichi's note saying that she ran the school's paper. Now, she was being a machine gun with questions for ammunition. It was quite hard to answer them.

The one who called for peace slowly approached. Negi recognised her as well, for three reasons. One, she was the class president. Two, she wore a curious hat. Three, Keine Kamishirasawa was a name that was much easier to misspell than forget.

She put a hand on the reporter's shoulder. "Shameimaru."

"Yes, Class Pres?"

"Return to your seat."

"But-"

"That was not a question."

Aya looked into Keine's eyes and only saw the promise of pain. Worse still, both of Keine's hands were now on her shoulders, meaning that she was in the perfect position for…

Aya returned to her seat without another word.

"I think we should all applaud our new teacher to welcome him, don't you think?" the Class President said in a warm and cheerful voice. This was further emphasised by her slow clapping.

"Y-yes, Class President!"

This was not a very emasculating experience for Negi, who suspected that the class was clapping out of fear rather than respect.

It was only made worse by the fact that Keine needed to give him a stool so that he could write on the board.

* * *

><p>"So, what's it like being a shrine maiden?"<p>

Reimu turned around to face the ten-year-old teacher. It was after a hectic day of classes, and the two of them were climbing the steps to the Hakurei Shrine.

"Essentially, the job requires me to give assistance to anyone who asks for it. Unlike **some other shrine **I don't simply pray for a miracle. The Hakurei way of doing things is much more hands on. Someone lost a cat? I have to go look for it. Someone sick and in hospital? I have to visit and bless them. Bullying? I have to go and deal with them."

Negi was impressed. "Have you done all that?"

"Uh… No, but if someone asks me to it, I would have to."

The two reached the top of the stairs in an awkward silence.

"Kochiya-san is a shrine maiden too, isn't she?"

Reimu groaned. "Sanae. She prefers the term 'priestess', and that really should tell you all you need to know about her. And, look!" She motioned to a poster that was put on the Torii (gate) to the shrine. "She puts freaking _posters_ and gives out _flyers_. All she wants are more followers for her shrine. And she had the nerve to put one on _my_ shrine!" She ripped down the offending advertisement.

Negi looked down the pathway to the shrine. The building had the hallmarks of something that had seen better days, whilst being much more impressive than now. Now, the shrine looked like it was abandoned by the main populace.

"Come on," said Reimu, still fuming, and she dragged Negi along. She slid open the door, and-

"WELCOME PRODIGY-SENSEI!"

The roar of an enthusiastic class shocked the pair into silence. Then…

"Suika. What the hell is this?" Reimu didn't shout. Rather, they were the words of the defeated.

The small girl slapped her hand to her forehead. "Oh! I forgot to tell you! We're having a welcome party for prodigy-sensei! I invited the whole class!"

"This is my shrine, and you told everyone except me about this."

"Yep! The guest of honour sits in the middle, prodigy-sensei! Come, come!"

Reimu was in mid-facepalm when she realised, "Suika, did you say the **whole** class?"

"Yeah! Only Fujiwara-san didn't come, said that she wouldn't go anywhere 'the princess' would be."

"Yeah, that's good, my shrine won't burn down, but that means…"

"Fire could only improve it, Hakurei-san."

If this was a movie, or a TV show, some sort of 'showdown' music would've played as Sanae Kochiya, priestess of the Moriya shrine, emerged from the crowd. Thankfully, Merlin Prismriver knew this, and provided a riveting trumpet solo, before being hushed by her sister Lunasa.

Reimu glared. "I had hoped that something as impure as you would burst into flame entering these holy grounds."

"These grounds must not be as holy as you think."

"So you admit your impurity, then."

"Shouldn't they stop?" Negi asked worriedly.

"Nah," Suika assured, "It's all part of the party atmosphere."

Already, bets were being made for the victor of the duel.

Reimu held up the poster she tore down before. "Explain."

"Oh, you noticed! Well, I just wanted to remind…"

* * *

><p>"Hey, sensei." Someone tapped Negi on the shoulder. He turned to face a huge grin.<p>

"Ah! Marisa Kirisame, am I correct?"

"Got it one! I just want to give you a personal welcome, and to ask you a favour!"

"Well, I always want to help my students, so-"

"Great! Great! Just come over here, this is private." She led Negi outside the building. "So." Her grin did the impossible and grew bigger. "How did you do the eraser trick?"

Negi's face turned into a mask of shock and guilt. "W-what eraser trick?"

"If you're living with Suika, you might want to become a better liar. She hates that sort of thing. You know what I mean, sensei."

"I- Uh- Wind?"

"Indoors? And at that specific spot and angle?"

Negi just looked down at floor…

"Is it magic?"

…and immediately his head shot up to look at the grinning blonde, who pumped a fist.

"I knew it!"

"But- but- how-"

"Magic exists! Patchy-patch said those books I read were rubbish, but I knew they were true. They made too much sense! And now, when they send a ten-year-old to teach my class…" She put her hands on Negi's shoulders. "Teach me."

"What?"

"Teach me magic, sensei! Please! It's quite hard to teach yourself! Believe me, I've tried! I need guidance!"

Negi was overwhelmed by Marisa's enthusiasm. "Alright. But keep this a secret! They'll send be back to Wales and turn me into an ermine if it becomes publicly known!"

Marisa ruffled the young teacher's hair. "Don't worry, sensei, your secret is safe with me." She winked. "~Ze?"

However, unbeknownst to the two of them as they walked back into the shrine, someone had overheard their conversation and was frantically scribbling down notes.

* * *

><p>It was after the party, and everyone had gone home. Suika had already gone to sleep. Negi walked to the front of the shrine where Reimu was sitting down, watching the moon and drinking tea.<p>

"Mind if I join you?"

"Isn't it past your bedtime? Sure, sit down."

She poured him a cup, and silence followed. Not an awkward silence, but a serene one.

Then Reimu asked, "Why did you become a teacher?"

"I-" _just need to finish my magic diploma_. Negi swallowed, "I made a promise."

Reimu looked at Negi closely. "What did your parents say? Were they the ones you made the promise to?"

Negi's heart fell. "Kind of."

"Hey," Reimu said, "Look up. Good. I'm sure with some courage, you can fulfil your promise."

"A little bit of courage is the real magic," Negi muttered.

"Neat." Reimu finished her tea. "And I'm sure they would be proud of you, either way. I'm going to sleep now. Don't stay up too late." She got up and took the teapot and her cup, and entered the shrine.

"Hakurei-san."

"Hmm?"

"Thanks."

"Shrine Maiden. I serve anyone who needs it. That's what a Hakurei does. Good night, Springfield-sensei."

Then she was gone.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Can't have Touhou without the second protagonist, right? Just wanted to get these out hard and fast before the dreaded procrastination sets in. I also want to practice writing these things faster. If I can create a steady pace, so much the better.<em>

_Oh, and thanks to all those who reviewed. Your comments have been taken into consideration. Really! I'm serious! Stop laughing!_


	3. Chapter 3 And a little bit extra

_AN: Out of length, speed and ease, I choose speed._

_Touhou owned by ZUN. Negima by Akamatsu. They have so many similar elements._

* * *

><p>Marisa stared at the pills she stole from Negi's bag. Magical catalysts, the book said they were. Thank you Patricia Rae Chalmers' <em>Theory of Paraphysics<em>! It was surprisingly detailed and even though Marisa didn't know anything about the magical world, she could understand the processes for incantations, the difference between western and eastern mages, even pactios. All this, and all she was able to do was Practe Bigi Nar stuff. Pathetic.

So when an opportunity like Negi presented itself, who was Marisa not to take it?

"Are you still reading?"

Marisa grinned her trademark grin in the face of her roommate's icy stare. "You still playing with dolls?"

"I do not _play_ with dolls, Kirisame. I-"

"Yeah, yeah. I was planning to sleep, actually. Have a big day tomorrow."

"Really."

_Yes,_ Marisa thought, _Really._

* * *

><p>"Uh."<p>

Reimu was concerned that it would be difficult to wake Negi up early for morning chores. The good news was that this was not going to be a problem. The bad news was that a ten year old was in her bed.

Suika was well acquainted with Reimu's many and various ways of waking her up. Water, loud noises, physical violence, Suika was familiar with them all. Never had she been woken up by Reimu screaming. Well, she actually had, but before it was her Hakurei was screaming at.

Negi trembled before the mighty Shrine Maiden. His mouth, amazingly, tried to form an explanation. "W- well, I used to sleep with my sister, so-"

"Did you usually kiss her? Is that a Welsh thing? Will I need to lock your room up? No, don't answer, I'll work it out later! Suika!"

The petite girl, who was watching the scene from the doorway, stood to attention, "Yes, Hakurei-san!"

"It's your lucky day, Ibuki! You don't have to sweep the courtyard or scrub the floors!"

"Yes, Ha- Really?"

Reimu picked up Negi by the arm. "You will show Prodigy-sensei the cleaning supplies and instruct him in cleaning duties, both inside and out!"

Negi could only manage a feeble, "Wh- what?"

"Yes, Hakurei-san! Um, does the whole 'can't go to class until everything is done' thing still apply? Uh, the way you're glaring at me seems to suggest- Yes, of course it does. Sorry, Hakurei-san."

Negi was able to articulate a much clearer "What? But I'm a teacher! Your teacher! You can't stop me from going to clammmph!"

Despite being of a similar size, Suika managed to restrain and muffle the struggling Negi. "Permisson to leave to do chores now, Hakurei-san!"

"Go."

"Right! This way, Prodigy-sensei!"

* * *

><p>Negi missed magic. Though she didn't have to, Suika did help. In fact, Negi guiltily thought, she did quite a lot, saying "No point me just standing around!" If he could use magic, the whole business would have been much quicker. As it was, he had to resort to muttering wind spells in the corner of the courtyard when Suika wasn't looking.<p>

It was all done, though and they still had plenty of time for class. Suika watched Negi's face of relief, then said, "You know, usually between Reimu and I, one of us'll take the indoors whilst the other takes the outside. I wonder what she did today, since we did both." She smiled.

They smelt the answer before they saw it. The promise of food caused both of them to run to the kitchen to see Reimu setting the table.

Reimu didn't even look up as she said, "No."

"No?" said the famished pair.

Now Reimu did look up them, if only to glare. "I can't even smell the food over your stench. Clean yourself up first."

Negi went pale.

Noticing this, Reimu continued, "Oh, and neither of you are getting breakfast unless both of you are clean."

* * *

><p>"Hey, Misty, d'you think Prodigy-sensei's alright?"<p>

"I'm actually not sure. He looks exhausted. Do you think its because of the party last night?"

The morning would be among Negi's bottom five mornings. Between getting thrown out of bed so early in the morning and being ordered to clean the shrine, he himself was cleaned thoroughly by a ravenous Suika. And now he knew why Hakurei and Ibuki were late on the first day. The Hakurei Shrine was on the very border of Gensokyo, and they had to run to get to class on time.

At least breakfast was really good. At least if it stayed in his stomach. He felt a bit sick.

* * *

><p><strong>Stuff that probably won't happen but the author finds amusing and has to write (or STPWHBTAFAAHTW for short):<strong>

The Devil Went Down to Georgia

The two girls stared at each other across the square. Emotionless gaze met blank stare. No boasts or put-downs were spoken. Both believed in actions over words. In fact, only one was uttered.

_Adeat._

The two artefacts sprung into being in the hands of their masters. It was then that Lunasa spoke.

"So, it will be a duel between violinists."

Brigitte nodded.

"Indeed. But you can surrender."

"Unlikely."

Brigitte put the _**Findicula Lunatica**_ to her shoulder and played a single note, levelling the building behind the Prismriver.

Lunasa was unfazed. "Your note was a bit flat, I think."

She then put her artefact to her shoulder, and started to play…

…

_Brigitte, have you def- Are you crying?_

"I'm sorry Fate-sama! But I'm too inadequate as a partner! I'm too weak, and I can't even play my artefact properly!"

_What._

"I'm just a useless wood sprite, only good for my horns. I'm pathetic! I-" The rest of the sentence was cut off by sobbing.

_I'm sending the others to you._

…

_Okay, have you defeated- You're crying. All of you. Alright, I'm coming over._

…

Negi was truly thankful that the Prismrivers had provided him with earplugs. Looking at the figures of Fate and all his Ministra Magi weeping on the ground, he decided that Lunasa's _**Pseudo Stradivarius**_ was a fearful artefact indeed.

* * *

><p><em>AN: It's a pity, really. I have a soft spot for the Prismrivers.<em>


	4. Chapter 4

_AN: I said I was going to choose speed, and I delay for longer than I expect. This is my apology, for that and the rather lackluster previous capter._

_By the way, it is surprisingly hard for me to think up bad lies._

_Touhou owned by ZUN. Negima owned by Akamatsu. Everything else owned by [static]_

**Meanwhile, in a scene that may or may not be continuity…**

The plain didn't even have the decency to be a scene of destruction. Instead, it was a dull scene of despair. Where there used to be life, colour and magic, there was just a mass expanse of… red. It was all gone, except for two lone figures, both covered in red dust. One, a girl that looked about middle school age but was actually much older due to time travel was kneeling on the red dust, turning over a device in her hands. She had her black hair in buns and a face that was much more suited to smiling. She was the descendant of the greatest of mages, and she was staring at nothing. The other was woman who looked older, of middle age, but really was as old as the time traveler. She had purple hair, wore glasses and a lab coat. She shouldn't be alive, and she was staring impassively at the landscape.

She was the one that spoke first. "Do you like what we've done with the place?" She held out her arms to emphasise the vastness of the desolate plain. "We should pave it. Then put up a parking lot."

"Why do you include me in your destruction?"

"You were its harbinger. You harbinged it."

Chao stared at the Cassiopeia. "I intend to unharbinge what I have harbinged."

The woman looked at her curiously. "Oh?"

The time traveller glared at the woman, clutching the device to her chest. "You betrayed me."

"Betrayed you? Isn't this what you- what we wanted?" She looked back at the plain. "Peace. An end to slavery and oppression. A cool time device. What more can a girl ask for?"

"Magic. Monsters."

The woman laughed. "No, no, no. No magic. No monsters. Just science and humans. Clever humans. Like you. Like us."

Chao struggled to her feet. Turning to face the woman completely, she shouted, "I am not one of you!" She activated the Cassiopeia. "I am one of me!" On reflection, she thought as the red plain disappeared from her vision, it sounded much cooler in her head.

* * *

><p>"Practe Bigi Nar Lux."<p>

Negi blinked at the light emitted from Marisa's wand.

"You can already do that sort of thing? From self-study?"

"And many repeated attempts." Marisa sighed.

"That's really good!"

"Really? I don't think so. I can only do Practe Bigi Nar Vente," a breeze was emitted, "and Lux. I've been trying fire for ages. Practe Bigi Nar Ardescat." A flame completely failed to appear. "See?"

Negi frowned. "I don't see why you wouldn't be able to do it. You obviously have the talent, and you aren't doing anything wrong. Hmm. Practe Bigi Nar Ardescat!" No flames appeared. "Is this where you always practice?"

"Yeah, no one comes here, you see."

Negi looked at the surroundings. Multi-levelled, books completely covering the walls, it was a huge repository of literature and reference. It was well lit, even in this side passage. Every single detail was designed to create a perfect library. 'Magical' was definitely an accurate description. And apparently, size wasn't the only magical thing about the Voile.

"I think there must be magical restrictions on the place to prevent fire spells being cast."

Marisa's eyes widened. "Really? Well, that would make sense." She frowned. "Negi-sensei, how magical is this library?"

Negi closed his eyes and focused. All libraries had some magical impact, big ones especially so. And with its enchantments and magical texts, the Voile was definitely a magical locale. So he braced himself for the huge sensory overload.

The air hummed with magical energy. The neurons in Negi's brain fired. All of them. At once.

He fainted.

* * *

><p>Reimu sighed. She was happy when she was asked for help. But sometimes… "When you said this was an emergency, I expected more than these guys. Shouldn't you get a teacher, or something?"<p>

Dai blinked and looked at her questioningly. "Prodigy-sensei? In this situation?"

"Point." Reimu put her hands on her hips and glared at her seniors. "And you people, talking up your maturity, yet you decide to pick on those younger than you. I smell hypocrisy." _I mean, really? I'm solving playground disputes now?_

Meanwhile, the rest of the group known as Team (9), were picking up their leader, who had been knocked down during the initial 'assault'.

"You all right, Cirno?" Wriggle asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," came the reply, "Why is Hakurei here? We could have dealt with this ourselves."

"Is that so?"

"Dai insisted," Mystia answered, "Still, it is nice to have the two Shrine Maidens in our class. We can call for their help any time."

Reimu narrowly dodged a ball thrown by the gang of seniors. It sailed past her head, only to fly towards Cirno and knock her down again. "Is that really your response? Come on, that was pathetic!"

"…Hmph…You talk big, but you're just a kid…"

"Just because you're the Hakurei Shrine Maiden doesn't mean you're able to talk to your seniors like that."

Reimu looked behind the gang and smiled. "Well, then I suppose the same applies to you. Hello, Takahata-sensei!"

"Hello, Hakurei-san. I see you've got the situation under control."

The vast majority of the group stared at him. Whispers of "Where the hell did he come from?" were whispered.

"That's right! Let's all stare at the teacher! Let's all just leave your friend lying on the ground! I'm enjoying looking at the sky anyway!" said one of the exceptions.

"Is that so?"

"Rumia, is that all you ever say?"

* * *

><p>"You know."<p>

Marisa rarely glared in actual anger. So when she did, it was terrifying. It didn't phase Patchouli, though. Hardly anything did. Negi was lying down on some cushions arranged for maximum comfort. But that wasn't important. Marisa wanted some questions answered.

"I do?" asked the librarian.

"Yes, you do! Remember when…"

"_You can do magic," Patchouli said with a monotone hinted with scepticism. _

"_Yeah! It took me so many attempts, but I can do it!"_

_Patchouli stared at Marisa's 'wand' and sighed. "If you can create a flame with that, I'll believe you."_

_Marisa grinned. She hadn't actually done the fire one yet, but she knew the incantation. With a proud breath, she declared, "Practe Begi Nar Ardescat!"_

"You knew it wouldn't work. Thus you know about magic. And really, how couldn't you? You practically live here."

"You know, I wasn't going to ask, but with these rants and raves I feel I must. What exactly happened to Springfield-sensei?"

Marisa paused. "I asked him how magical this place was, and he…" What was he trying to do?

"Don't tell me he believes this delusion of yours," Patchouli scolded. Marisa looked away. "Very well then. We shall wait until he wakes, and I will listen to what he has to say."

Marisa reluctantly nodded. Hopefully, Negi-sensei would cover for her.

* * *

><p>Magical sensory overload was never fun. Though it did not do any lasting damage, it took consciousness without warning and gave it back just as suddenly. Thankfully, he was lying down on something soft. As he slowly got up, he noticed two of his students staring at him. One was Kirisame, of course, the other was…<p>

"Ah! Knowledge-san?"

"Correct, sensei. I was rather concerned when Kirisame came along carrying your unconscious body, but it seems like you are fine. However, as I am one the librarians of Voile as well as one of your students, I have to ask: What happened?"

Negi looked over at Marisa who looked back at him with a pleading expression. _Kirisame-san must be in trouble because of me, _he thought, _I have to think of a convincing lie!_ "I- was walking when I tripped and fell over! Marisa must have found me!"

Patchouli gave Marisa what could only be described as a _look_. "I see."

It was at this Marisa said in a low voice, "Excuse me." She got up and ran out of the library.

Patchouli looked concerned. "Oh dear."

Negi looked at her. "What?"

The purple-haired librarian shook her head. "She's probably just gone off to sulk somewhere. Do you know, she was saying that she was telling you about magic? It's one of her little fantasies from a book she once read. I apologise for her-"She stopped as Negi got up. "It might not be wise to get up so early."

"I just need to get some fresh air. Thank you, Knowledge-san." Then he ran out of the library after Marisa.

Patchouli watched him leave. When she had made sure he did, she drew a card from her sleeve, and put it to her head. _Remilia, are you there? I think you should listen to this…_

* * *

><p>"Hah… hah…You run fast."<p>

Both of them were breathing heavily. Negi had pursued Marisa halfway through the school, pleading for her to stop. She finally did so, when couldn't run anymore.

"H…had to. W…why did you tell Knowledge-san about magic?"

There was a long pause. Marisa stared disbelievingly at the young teacher. Negi noticed that her eyes were red. "Isn't it obvious? Patchy is a mage."

Negi recoiled in shock. "But she said-"

Marisa snorted. "So? At the very best, she's trying to hide her- what's a good word, condition? Eh, good enough. At the very worst, she's doing this on purpose, although I can't imagine why."

"Why would you think Knowledge-san-?"

"Goddamnit, Negi-sensei! Think! How magical was the Voile?"

The memory of the sensory overload sent shivers down Negi's spine. "Very."

"Patchouli lives there. She gets up, goes to class, and then returns to the library. Her lodgings are part of the Voile. When she said she was a librarian, she neglected to mention that she was the _Head_ Librarian. The Voile, you could say is her pride and joy. If it's so magical, she knows that it is." She paused to think. "And I won't be surprised if she was the one who put the fire-magic restriction on the place. It's so very Patchouli."

"But I don't think she would mean any harm." Negi insisted.

Marisa sat down on the ground and looked up the sky. "I don't know. Patchy means what she means. Maybe she has this overarching objective, maybe she has none at all. Enigmatic know-it-all." Marisa laughed, and lay down. "In fact, most of my friends are like that. Patchy, Reimu, Alice…" Marisa smirked. "'specially Alice. I just want to stand on equal footing with them, you know? When I discovered magic, I thought I could do something amazing that even they couldn't do. But it looks like that won't work either, would it? I'm just doomed to be ordinary. Even if I became a mage, I'll just be an ordinary magician."

There was long, reflective silence after these words as Negi tried to find a response. He finally settled on the basic truth.

"You believed in magic, though no one believed you. You taught yourself how to do basic incantations, using only a couple of books. Magical restrictions were placed on you and you still succeeded. You are anything but ordinary, Kirisame-san. _Practe Bigi Nar Ardescat._"

Marisa looked at the flame hovering over Negi's palm, then drew her wand. "_Practe Bigi Nar Ardescat._" The wand emitted a small flame. "Huh. Well." She smiled. "That's one way of looking at it." She blew the flame out. "~Ze."

Negi smiled as he extinguished his flame.

That was when the ambush happened.

* * *

><p>"Chao, Chao, Chao. What am I going to do with you?"<p>

The woman pulled a similar device of her own out her pocket. It wasn't quite the same as a Cassiopeia. Instead of allowing the user to travel through time, it...did quite a lot of things. One of those things was the ability to track a Cassiopeia. A small smile crept onto her lips as she read where Chao ended up.

She wouldn't be doing anything anytime soon.

* * *

><p><span>Reimu Hakurei<span>

Likes: Tea, helping people, her shrine.

Dislikes: Sanae Kochiya, uncleanliness

Clubs/Organisations: Hakurei Shrine, Gensokyo Dodgeball Team 'Protagonists'

Negi's extra notes: Scary in the mornings.

Marisa Kirisame

Likes: Magic, Stars, Books

Dislikes: Not much

Clubs/Organisations: Astronomy Club, Book Retrieval Team, Gensokyo Dodgeball Team 'Protagonists'

Negi's extra notes: Wants to learn magic. And she's good!

* * *

><p><em>AN: What should I do more of? What should I do less of? Any cool ideas you want to see played out? I won't know unless you review. If you don't, I'll be forced to use my own tortured imagination.<em>

_And no one wants that._


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Just as a quick question, would longer or faster chapters be preferable?

Touhou belongs to ZUN. Negima belongs to Akamatsu. References belong to where they come from, and the song comes from [static].

* * *

><p><strong>A Senior Challenge! Save Prodigy-sensei!<strong>

…was written on the chalkboard of Class 2A. The class itself would be in a state of chaos, if it weren't for Keine promising that she would personally deal with anyone who caused a fuss.

"Class, the situation is this. Our teacher has been kidnapped by perverts. Are we are a bad enough class to rescue our teacher?" She frowned and muttered, "I have never said anything like that before and I hope I never say anything like that again. Anyway!" The class jumped at the sudden exclamation. "They have challenged us to a game of dodgeball. Looking at our class roster and looking at the various sports we do, I am pleased to nominate our own members of the dodgeball team."

This was met with complete silence.

"You know, because the middle school's dodgeball team only consists of five people from this class."

...

"I sense a problem."

Sanae slowly raised her hand. "Well, since being part of a sport team was compulsory, the dodgeball team was formed for the people who had…other duties."

At that, Reimu, Marisa, Sakuya and Youmu instantly became part of the window, wall and ceiling observation club.

"You're kidding me," Keine said, with a hint of desperation.

Sanae looked at the others, "Well, do you think that us five would really be in a team together? I mean, like I would be the same team with a failure like Hakurei!" Reimu glared at her. "And Sakuya and Youmu really aren't the most social people."

Keine put her head in her hands. "Please tell me you guys have actually played the game outside of PE."

Sanae looked sheepish. "We did watch that American film together. We had a laugh."

"They had a different style of game than what we're used to playing though," Marisa mused, "Multiple balls for one."

Keine only moaned in response.

Reimu raised her hand, "How many people are we going against, again?"

"Eleven, I think."

"So apart from the five of us, who's going to play?"

Keine nodded. "Good question. Any volunteers?"

At that, the window, wall and ceiling observation club gained a multitude of new members.

* * *

><p>"So, Class President Kamishirasawa-san," Principal Yakumo said, "What's this all about Springfield's teaching position being decided over a dodgeball game?"<p>

Keine looked at her cautiously. They were sitting in the stands overlooking the court. The match had gathered quite a large crowd. Not only was the rest of the class watching, a sizable portion of the staff and student body were also there. Gensokyo always loved a show.

"Oh, it's nothing like that, Principal! It's just an inter-year bonding experience!"

"Really? That's not what the captain of the Black Lily Flowers says."

Keine frowned. "Black Lily Flowers?"

"Kantou's Regional Dodgeball Tournament Championship team!"

Keine's eyes widened. "What?" she gasped as the pre-match music started.

"Ooh! 'Battle without honour or humanity'! Scored for Violin, Trumpet and Keyboard! Nice choice of pre-match music! They'll get Springfield as their teacher if they win by the way."

"WHAT?"

"Dun-dun-dun! Oh, god, this is so epic!"

The class president wasn't the only one that was distraught. The Prismrivers' efforts felt more like a funeral march than anything motivational.

"I can't believe you guys roped me into this," sighed Aya. Momiji murmured her agreement.

"And we still had to let Cirno in," reflected Meiling.

"What's that supposed to mean?" demanded Cirno.

"That we're screwed," Reisen said.

Suika looked at Reimu. "Are we?"

"Oh, it's not like we'll really lose prodigy-sensei," Reimu replied, "And we do have a master plan."

"Really?"

"Class Pres thought it up. Phase 1: Change the rules."

The leader of the seniors narrowed her eyes. "What's with that sack?"

"When you kidnapped Negi-sensei, you challenged us to dodgeball! Well, we're playing western rules! That means multiple balls!" Marisa's declaration was punctuated by Youmu and Sakuya emptying the sack of balls.

Suika grinned. "And Phase 2?"

Reimu didn't respond.

"Reimu?"

Reimu closed her eyes and sighed. "It's a one-phase plan."

"…well, damn."

"Don't worry class! I know you can win!" Negi encouraged. It would have been a bit more encouraging if he wasn't surrounded by seniors preventing him from going anywhere.

* * *

><p>"Trust Cirno to get hit in the first three seconds," Reimu muttered, as she ducked under a ball. The seniors had embraced the whole 'multi-ball' rule depressingly quickly. After dodging multiple shots in quick succession, Reimu started to suspect the seniors were targeting her. This was confirmed when she was simultaneously hit by three balls. Being hit whilst leaving the ground served as a nice QED. (If you don't know what that is, look it up. You learn something every day.)<p>

"…well, damn." Was a good way to describe how the match went. If it wasn't for the improbable dodging skills of the team of 2A, the match would have been over very quickly. However improbable dodging skills faded quickly under moves like "Special death blow," and "Triangle attack". They even shouted the name of the attacks, a sure sign of professional anime sportsmanship.

Soon, Marisa was the only one standing on the court. The leader of the seniors smirked. "You were the one that tried to stop us take Sensei-kun, weren't you? This is very fitting."

Marisa cursed the heavens for putting her in this position. She said nothing.

"Come on Marisa, you can do it!" cheered Negi.

"No last words? Fine by me," another senior declared, "It ends here!"

The entire audience held its breath as the ball was thrown. It was a good throw, strong fast, and low. It knocked the breath out of Marisa as it hit her chest. The cheer of the crowd rang in her ears as she looked down to see the ball in her arms.

"Cirno!" she cried, turning to the team sitting on the sidelines, "You're back-"

POW

As Marisa fell down from the impact, time-out was called.

* * *

><p>"Yes, hello Gensokyo!" Merlin cheerfully cried, "Having a good time?" There was an enthusiastic response.<p>

"Well, while you're all enjoying yourselves, we would like to remind you of our Middle School Production," continued Lunasa, "A musical, actually."

"The rise and fall of Evangeline the Vampire!" Lyrica announced, "Penned by none other by our very own Scarlet sisters!"

"Oh, Remilia, you gothic girl you!" Merlin chirped.

Negi stared at the musicians in shock. Ran glanced over at the aforementioned gothic girl. Remilia tried to hide under her parasol.

"So here's a preview," Lunasa smirked, "The main theme of Evangeline the Vampire!"

[AN: **Lunasa will sing in bold,** _Merlin will sing in italics,_ and Lyrica's lyrics will be underlined.]

_**Dee-do-dee-do-deeee-do!**_

As the Prismrivers started singing, Keine gathered the forlorn team around.

"Alright, I've got bad news and worse news. The bad news is that the team we're up against are Regional Champions."

"Wait, what?" Reimu asked, "Regional? There's regional dodgeball?"

_She attended special classes for anger management,  
><em>_But she cursed to death the teachers on day one!_

"The worse news is that the Principal will give prodigy-sensei to them if we lose."

Youmu blinked. "What? But that's-"

"Really immature! Regional dodgeball, I mean, really! And they challenged middle-schoolers to it! That's – arrgh!" Reimu interrupted.

_**Mayhem was her game!  
><strong>_And RPGs! She loves RPGs!

"They're just a bunch of shotacons!" Sanae cried.

"That's not even remotely professional!"

"Regional. Dodgeball."

I hear she burns down children,  
><strong>I hear she kidnaps churches,<br>**_And she doesn't wear a HAAAAAAAAT!_

As the rest of the team got pissed off at their situation and the other team, Keine went to the usually enthusiastic Cirno.

"Are you scared?"

Cirno tried to scoff. "Of course not! Why would I be scared of them?"

"Well, you are shivering."

**But her _homicidal vent,_  
><strong>**Can be traced to _one event,_  
><strong>_**She was murdered once as a child!**_

"I'm just cold, that's all!"

"This coming from someone who once ran across the school when it was snowing in only her underwear?"

"I only did that once! Why do people always bring that up?"

_**EVANGEL!  
><strong>_**She once butchered a butcher.  
><strong>_**EVANGEL!  
><strong>_I hear she baked a baker.  
><em>And once in the palace of the town of Amsterdam, she inspected an INSPECTOOOOOOR!<em>

"Cirno, weren't you the first one to challenge them?" Reimu asked, "Why was that?"

"They were picking on us! Calling us little kids! Telling us to go back to elementary school!"

"And so you took them on."

"Of course!"

_**Or pretend, or pretend, or pretend…to be a treeeeeee…  
><strong>_[Pose]  
><strong>(Lyrica, that's not a tree, that's a cactus)<br>**(Oh, whoops)

"So, are you just going let them win?" Keine asked.

"No!" Cirno shook her head vigorously.

Keine turned to the others. "Are any of you going to let them win?"

"No!"

_**At a time when a spade was called a printing press,  
><strong>__**But then the printing press…was invented…they had to change it…**_

"Well done," Sakuya said as the team went back on the court, softly enough that only Keine heard it.

"…Thank you," she replied, "I guess."

_**Dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum! EVANGEL!**_

"They wrote the songs," Remilia muttered, as she left the ground, "And had they just had to do that in front of everybody. Oh, I'm going to have to do so much explaining."

"They couldn't be singing about _that_ Evangel, could they?" Negi wondered.

* * *

><p>The leader of the seniors contemplated taunting the loli standing opposite. On one hand, trying that with the blonde one resulted in one of her team members being caught out. On the other, this particular loli was easy to provoke into doing something really stupid.<p>

"I'm going to take you down!"

On the other other hand, it didn't seem like there needed to be any stimulus for her to do something stupid.

"Let's end this," she said to the others. The girl to her right charged forward, and threw the ball…

…which was caught.

"WHAT?"

Cirno grinned. "Told you."

The leader of the seniors turned to her teammates, "What in gods' name are you people doing? I've half a mind to-" A ball missing her face by mere centimetres interrupted her. She turned back to see Reimu picking up another ball.

"Are we going to play, or what?"

* * *

><p>"Special death blow! Solar fwa-?"<p>

"Hi," smiled Meiling, as she grabbed the ball out of midair. POW.

"Nice one, China," Sakuya complimented.

"It's Meiling, maid-chan," came the retort, "But thanks, anyway."

"Maid-chan?" wondered Aya, making a mental note.

The match had gone quickly downhill for the seniors. Sure, there was a bit of back and forth in the teams, but they were losing ground at constant pace. All of their techniques that had worked so well before were being countered with alarming precision. They even had the gall to make up some of their own techniques!

"Moriya wind strike!" Sanae called.

"Pfft."

"It's not funny, Hakurei!"

This statement just caused Reimu to burst out in laughter.

The senior leader didn't find it funny. It almost got her out!

"Someone pass me a ball!" she ordered. Pause. "Someone?" There was no answer.

"Well, this is fitting," Marisa smirked.

The sole senior on the field glared. "Come on, then! I'll take you all on!"

"Oh yeah?" Cirno charged and threw her ball…

…poorly. It sailed lazily through the air and the senior smiled as she went to catch it. She was surprised to be hit by the two other balls thrown hard and fast by Reimu and Marisa. To add insult to injury, Cirno's lobbed ball bounced of her head in a humorous fashion.

"HA!" Cirno cried in triumph, "You fell for one of the classic blunders! Never go up against a Whiterock when pride is on the line!"

And at that, the crowd cheered.

* * *

><p>"How could we have lost?" the senior muttered.<p>

The 2A team had gathered around the liberated child teacher and were excitedly talking about their victory. The senior's gaze fell upon one student. The one who had taunted them. The one who looked like an elementary school kid. The one who stood up to their insults, starting the entire sorry saga.

She picked up the ball. "TAKE THIS, KID!"

The entire team turned and saw the ball, charged with rage and fury heading towards the small girl. Cirno was too surprised to move out of the way. She was even more surprised when Negi pushed her out of the way. Everyone stared in shock as he picked up the ball and stared angrily at the senior.

"That kind of behaviour…" he muttered, "…is NOT ACCEPTABLE!" The statement was crowned with Negi spinning the ball back at high velocity. The senior tried to catch it but the spinning did something that wasn't in the realm of things that were physically possible…

"What the hell?" the senior cried as she tried to cover her de-clothed body. Eventually, she decided that running would be the best policy, screaming, "I won't forget this!" as she went.

Negi went over to Cirno, who was now on the ground. "Are you alright?" he asked, offering a hand.

"I can get up by myself!" Cirno declared, struggling to her feet, "And I didn't need saving, so I won't thank you!" She then stomped off, grumbling.

Marisa pulled Negi close. "That was magic, wasn't it?" she muttered to him in an annoyed tone.

"Yes, but I didn't mean it!" he whispered back.

Marisa looked at his worried expression, and her irritated expression broke into a smile. Why was she irritated at that, anyway? It was cool. "Good job."

"Is there a problem, Marisa?" asked Reimu, who was watching them.

"No," replied Marisa cheerfully, "Nothing at all!"

* * *

><p>Excerpt from Log Entry 31839<p>

…

Human found in stream. Pieces of what seems to be an extremely complex watch also found. Must consider further.

It's still alive, but unconscious. Will get medical help if not awake tomorrow morning. Currently, Chachamaru will provide adequate observation. Probably of Asian descent. Probably from the nearby village, yet attire suggests an outsider. Must consider further.

…

Signed, Hakase Satomi, Kappa Engineer.

* * *

><p>AN: Review, if you would be so kind. They always warm my heart a little. And I may or may not do a request for the first person who gets where the song comes from.<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

_**1. Rumia**_

It was a surprisingly idyllic scene, one that hotels would kill to have. Rumia flipped another page of the textbook and sighed. She had possibly learned more during the past couple of days than she had during the entire school year. She wasn't completely sure exactly how she ended up in this wonderland of text and water, but she didn't really mind. Something involving giant golems, magical books, exams…

Murmuring her little catchphrase as she read up on the decimal system, she reached for another piece of fruit. Reading and eating, half-submerged in cool water? Why couldn't normal school be like this? All that was needed was actual food (i.e. meat) and she would be in paradise. Rumia smiled at her use of 'i.e.', having learnt that only a while ago.

Rumia didn't even notice the fact that she was deep underground with the exams looming. This was probably her most major fault. Her single-tracked attention span was the reason she paid attention to dust particles in her classroom illuminated by sunlight instead of her actual lesson. It was the reason that people got so annoyed at her all the time. It was the reason she got the lowest marks in the class which had Cirno.

It was the reason a giant golem was able to sneak up and grab her.

* * *

><p>AN: Touhou belongs to ZUN. Negima to Akamatsu. All I've got are excuses and a plea to support breast cancer research.<p>

* * *

><p><em><strong>2. Chen<strong>_

The bell rang, and class 2A began its usual rush to freedom. Negi smiled and muttered to himself, "Everyone seems to be working hard."

"That's because it's almost time for the end of term exams!"

Negi turned and looked at the smiling face before him. "Yakumo Chen?" He had asked Takamichi whether she was related to the Principal. Apparently it was a rather complicated situation.

Chen nodded happily. "I was told to give you this!" She held out an envelope.

Negi took it and examined it carefully. The paper was not completely white; it was rather a faded yellow, giving it a delicate, antiquated look. Adding to this was the cursive, handwritten _Instructions for Springfield-sensei_ carefully created with blue ink. The envelope was not just for show, either, its size and weight suggested multiple sheets within. The texture was rough, and a floral pattern was imprinted on the border.

It demanded detailed description. Such things were important.

"Thank you, Yakumo-san."

Negi ripped it open, and instantly the envelope became much more ordinary.

The document inside, however, was not.

_Ahem,_ the hologram of a woman with short blonde hair started, _We've never been formally introduced, but that does not matter. I am known as Principal Yukari's assistant, the one that actually does stuff, and the school administrator. __**Ran, what are you doing?**__ I'm recording a message, Yukari-sama! Ugh, look what you've done. You have so far done an excellent job with 2A, but as you probably know, end of term tests will be fast approaching. While this would be an assessment of all our students, it will also be an assessment of your teaching skill. If 2A doesn't- __**Ran, we're all out of chocolate ice cream! Did you eat it all? **__–in the end of term exams, which I personally think is a satisfactory standard, you will- Yukari-sama, stop doing that! Honestly! Where was I? Oh, yes, included with the message are the marks of the class. Also, two of your students never attend class. Addressing this problem, I think, will help you in your task greatly. The details of the students are included as well. However I would advise caution as- __**Raaaaan…**__ No, don't touch-"_

Negi gave Chen a look that dictated disbelief and uncertainty, which only increased as the girl pulled out a sheet of paper and what suspiciously looked like a wand. "Hold still, Prodigy-sensei! Mama Ran also told me to do this!" She raised the wand. "_Tria Fila Nigra Promissiva, Mihi Limitationem per Tres Dies!_"

Negi blinked, and then gave a flat "What."

Chen nodded happily. "Mama Ran said that a seal was needed to make sure that you didn't use any magic to cheat on your assessment!"

"Yakumo-san…"

"Yes? Prodigy-sensei?"

"Um…" Negi scratched the back of his head. It made sense that a relative of Principal Yukari would know at least a little about magic, but… "It looks like you sealed yourself."

"Wha-" Chen looked at her wrist, where three brand new black lines had appeared. "Ah! Oh no! No!"

"Wait, don't worry," Negi quickly said before Chen underwent a psychological breakdown, "I'll do the seal myself."

Chen's eyes widened. "Really?"

Negi smiled. "Really- ack!" He was forcefully pulled into an embrace.

"Thank you! Thank you, Springfield-sensei! I promise that I will study extra hard for the exams!" She let go of Negi and started bounding to the door. "Class 2A will be top in ranking, thus keeping your position, with no problem at all!"

Chen was already in the corridor when she heard Negi's mortified, "Wait, **what?**"

* * *

><p><em><strong>3. Wriggle<strong>_

"But no one cares about their marks! This is an elevator school!"

It was incredible, Wriggle thought. Even with her fingers in her ears, she could _still_ hear Cirno's whining. Sighing in resignation, she removed them to listen to Prodigy-sensei's response.

"But if we don't do well as a class, something really really really bad will happen!"

_Three reallys?_

"Well, I really really really **really** don't want to study." Cirno grinned as though her remark was an impressive rebuttal worthy of an Ancient Roman Senator.

Wriggle shielded her eyes with her palm. Oh god, why was she in this classroom when she could be outside, in the sun, surrounded by nature, instead of all this.

She picked up her pen and started scribbling down answers. Team 9. The foundation of fools, the society of stupidity. It wasn't as if they didn't try, it was just…

She looked around at the others who had been roped up by the 'emergency exam cram sessions'. Cirno was arguing with Prodigy-sensei, whilst Dai was desperately trying to calm her down. Wriggle's gaze then went to Rumia, who was staring at… something. What was so interesting to that girl, anyway?

"Hey, Wriggle. Earth to Wriggle."

"Huh?"

Mystia looked at her friend, amused. "You were acting like Rumia for a while. Anyway, whilst Prodigy-sensei is distracted, do you know what _Boraginaceae Myosotis_ is?"

Wriggle just stared.

"No?"

Wriggle groaned and collapsed onto her desk.

* * *

><p><em><strong>4. Shizuha &amp; 5. Minoriko<strong>_

At times it could be said Negi was a bit naive. Perhaps you could say he was gullible at his worst. But even he has his limits.

"So let me get this straight. Fujiwara no Mokou is a big scary delinquent type of person."

Shizuha nodded. "Emphasis on the big and scary."

"Right," Negi tried to smile, "So she gets into fights with a lot of people. But the one person she particularly despises is Houraisan Kaguya."

"Yes!" Minoriko stressed, "Whenever they meet, they fight!"

"And somehow…" Negi paused. This was the bit that broke his willing suspension of belief. "…Fujiwara _killed_ Houraisan."

"Horribly!" Shizuha exclaimed, "Like, biting off her limbs! Tearing out her intestines!"

Minoriko looked uncomfortable. "Sis…"

"And blood! Blood! Everywhere! Houraisan screaming until her throat was torn out!"

At this point, Minoriko had her fingers in her ears. "Stop! Please! Stop…"

"Ah! Oh. Sorry, Mino-chan."

Negi, still disturbed by the graphical description, started slowly. "This is the same Houraisan that goes to 2A."

Minoriko still had her fingers in her ears, her eyes were closed, and was going, "La, la, la, I can't hear you," so it was Shizuha that responded "Yep!"

Negi pressed on. "The Houraisan Kaguya in our class."

"The very same."

Negi thought about saying something like 'people die when they are killed', but instead just asked, "How exactly could Fujiwara have killed Houraisan?"

Shizuha looked puzzled, as if she hadn't thought about that. Negi was about to bring his palm to his face when Minoriko answered…

"Well, you know the school nurse? Yagokoro-sensei? She resurrected her!"

Negi now did bring his palm to his face. "How- you know what? Never mind. Is there anyone who knows Fujiwara well?"

It took a moment for the Aki twins to think about it. "Class rep is friends with her, I think," Minoriko mused.

Negi's eyes widened. "What? Really?"

* * *

><p><em><strong>6. Hina<strong>_

Watching in equal parts amazement and horror, Negi wondered if she had some magical wards surrounding her mind to prevent fear or something similar, but he sensed nothing. Hina was doing this through sheer force of will alone.

"Hello Flandre."

A grin was the only reply.

* * *

><p><em><strong>7. Mystia<strong>_

"That…was horrible."

Team 9 murmured its agreement as Mystia gave them their drinks.

"Complete rubbish."

"Really bad."

"Useless."

"Is that so?"

"Shut up."

You know the scene. A bunch of depressed lolis surrounding a bar, trying to drown their sorrows, ignorant of their amphibious nature. Mystia herself swore to Vice Principal Ran that her stall did not serve any alcohol, but it was amazing how much the group of friends did not care. It was also amazing how Mystia was able to successfully run a business on campus. Said business demanded a lot of time and effort, so any actual study time was sacrificed to running the stall. Unfortunately for the lamprey cook, demand for a late night snack grew in the week coming to exams. This particular night was a relatively quiet one, though Team 9 hung around to gripe at their unfortunate circumstances.

"I don't really see the point of these sessions, anyway," Cirno grumbled.

"I do," Mystia said softly. She motioned for the team to move in closer. They did so. "A little bird told me that they plan to break up the lowest ranked class."

"But 2A never gets the lowest rank!" Dai exclaimed, "We've got Keine and Patchouli and Nitori and…"

Mystia waved off Dai's remarks. "I wasn't finished. Also, the individuals who get the lowest of the whole year level will be held back."

Wriggle raised an eyebrow. "Does this 'little bird' of yours happen to write for the school paper?" Mystia only smirked in response.

"But that's- that's-" Cirno spluttered.

"Is that so?" asked Rumia absent-mindedly, staring at what Mystia had put on the grill.

"Well, it would explain why Prodigy-sensei was so desperate today," Wriggle admitted.

"So what are we going to do about it?" Cirno asked.

All eyes turned to their blue haired leader.

"Wait, I meant for you guys to think of something!" she protested, "I wouldn't have asked the question if I knew the answer!"

"Well, we can hardly think on an empty stomach. Here, my specialty!" Mystia declared, setting plates in front of her classmates, "Yakitori skewers!"

Wriggle frowned. "Isn't your speciality lamprey?"

Mystia shrugged. "Lamprey, Yakitori. Same difference."

"Uh. No. No it isn't. One's a sea-dwelling sea-snake worm-thing; the other's a flightless bird."

"_Ooh, look at me! I know the difference between lamprey and yakitori!_ Don't use your fancy biology to muddy the issue."

"Wha- I just happen to know the difference between a fish and a bird! And- Rumia, that was my skewer."

"Is that-"

"Do you say anything else, Rumia? Besides that question?" Cirno asked, annoyed.

"…Yes?"

* * *

><p><em><strong>8. Alice<strong>_

She tried. She tried so very hard. She had perfected the art of ignoring her roommate's actions when trying to concentrate. It was, quite simply, a necessity when living with someone as **unconventional **as Kirisame, whilst persuing hobbies that required utmost care and precision at the finest detail. It was with the same conviction that Alice approached her studies. But…

"Marisa, what exactly are you doing?"

It took all of her grace not to add an expletive to that question.

Marisa turned to Alice with a grin. "Preparing for another Voile expedition." She held up the various assorted gear designed for navigating dangerous caves; a must have in magical (Voile was magical, no matter what stupid Knowledge said, thought Marisa) library delving.

Alice raised a disbelieving eyebrow. "So close to exams? Patchouli wouldn't authorise that." _Especially since you've been avoiding her like the plague._

"Oh, but this is for the exams!" Marisa returned to packing her bag. "Apparently there's this magical book, book of Melchizedek, that makes people smarter! Team 9 have asked me to help them retrieve it!"

"Riiight." Alice sighed. Her feelings about Marisa's…hobby surrounding the occult were mixed. On one hand, she'd never seen her happier when persuing magic; on the other, it could be somewhat…

"You know, Prodigy-sensei probably would prefer Cirno and her little friends to be actually studying."

Marisa paused. "Yes, I think it would be better if he didn't find out about this." She said this softly, more to herself than Alice. She started packing again, this time more slowly.

Alice returned to her studies, but kept looking back at her roomate. Unsettling. That was the word.

This whole 'magic' thing…it was unsettling.

* * *

><p><strong><em><span>CAUTION! EXCUSES FROM A WHINY AUTHOR AHEAD!<span>_**

****- Um, ironically this whole delay thing started with me studying for my own exams, so crossover fanfiction kinda dropped in priority. By a lot.

- Then my mother got breast cancer. Um. You can't really add anything to that statement. She's fine (so I'm not an orphan), but that situation basically killed this fic.

- But since you're reading this (yay) you must realise that through the power of SCIENCE, I have resurrected this story. Unfortunately, like Frankenstein's monster/creature (delete whichever is inappropriate), this chapter is made from a lot of scraps of various in medias res ideas stitched together by dodgy guesswork of whatever the hell my past and happier self planned.

- Only two sections from above have actually been written after the...incident. You're welcome to guess which ones. Apart from a couple of rephrasings and corrections, the others have been left relatively intact.

-Thanks for reading and listening to me whinge, I guess. Might try to edit previous chapters first, but then I'll start working on the next one which will be finished sooner, I promise. (Not like that would be hard.) Reviews are always welcome and ALWAYS taken into consideration.


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